Hi Friends,
This is a recent reply to my Mother and Aunt in response to a recurrent issue of mine: the need to feel proud of what I get up to. I was looking into interesting-looking Master's programs at OISE, specifically in Adult Education and Counselling Psychology, and when asked what I had learned from my latest search, I responded with this:
"I didn't discover much because I don't want to divert much energy away from my personal training at the moment. Ever since I got certified I've always been looking over the horizon for something "better" or "more than" without giving the training and what I could learn from it a proper shot. I've started giving it that shot, and I'm realizing it really isn't that bad. I actually quite like it, and as such, am going to keep rolling with it for now. I've often looked to more education in the past as nothing more than a source of feeling legitimate or worthy of respect from self and others, something that really was all in my own head, but I don't think those are the best reasons to look elsewhere when you've got something worthwhile and meaningful right in front of your nose. Of course, I will keep my options open and be aware of additional opportunities around me. As Aunt Debbie and I hashed out the other day, there are still legitimate reasons to feel and think the way I do about training, but to buy into those beliefs and give them energy really is just another choice. I will look more into the program, for it does genuinely interest me and seem worthwhile and useful. For now I'm just saying that I'm beginning to unravel a lot about my preconceived notions and beliefs which, I feel, are greatly limiting me. It's terrific and so liberating!!! I'm making so much more sense now of what happened with naturopathy and Jenny and other major events that have shaped me, and I'm seeing how I was at the center of all of them, not God or UniVerse or something other than "me", but little, old me. That was one key puzzle piece I was missing before in my endless quest to shirk responsibility for making some big choices I wasn't ready to make, and it is very empowering now to see that I, and we, really can and WILL have whatever we want, for that's how the UniVerse works. It seems to respond most strongly to the powerful emotions which are most intertwined to the things, people, and places we want, and the stronger the emotions, the faster and more of what we are connecting to we get, for better and worse. I'm seeing now more clearly than ever that whatever we focus on grows stronger and bigger, and that which we starve of energy and attention shrinks and can, should we choose, eventually disappear. IT'S AMAZING!!!! We really are responsible for all that happens to us. Wow. Pretty big, isn't it?
So from all of this I have seen that God does not want us to do this or that, but simply wants to support us in whateverr we think will lead to joy, self-esteem, happiness, growth, etc. If God can be said to be Pure Love, and I believe it is, then we only suffer when WE want to, not when it wants us to, for the sake of growth or learning something or attaining what we want to attain. Ha, ha, ha!!! I'm really quite ecstatic because these major things I have been wrestling with for so long are starting to come into clarity and my relentless quest for Truth is really paying off!!! :))) Amazing...simply amazing...HA!!!
(deep breath in, out, and...go)
Well, that is what has dawned on me today, thanks in part to my new friend Michael, in addition to the fact that some things must be for us in certain ways, for that's what they refer to about going with the flow, or going with the Tao. However, maybe God did not create those things for us, either. Maybe they are the result of living past lives and being shaped from previous existences, maybe even dimensions, which would re-route back to my original thesis statement that God simply wants to support whatever we choose. WHOA!! That's a biggie, too!!! I'm feeling that it's bang on accurate, as well.
Some doors we can knock on and they simply will not open, while others seem to open effortlessly. However, as I'm writing these words to you and listening to my intuition, perhaps that is simply another choice - to have things come easily, or to go the hard way. YES!!! It ABSOLUTELY is!!! Of course, it's a choice!!! For God can never interfere with our own Free Will. All He/She/It wants is to experience himself/herself/itself through us, and nothing more :)
Wow. This really is blowing my mind!!! I mean, JEEZ!!! My whole paradigm is changing and being flipped on it's head, and I'm LOVING it!! I thought for the longest time that what happened with school and with Jenny happened to punish me. I felt like I had done something wrong, and as such I needed those experiences to kick me in the ass, but I'm seeing now that that really wasn't the case. I needed to go through those things because I WANTED to, and nothing more. I chose to take them on, chose to have them verified by many external sources, and chose to hang onto them for as long as I did. But I see now that that was all my creation, and God/UniVerse really doesn't care how I chose to express myself. However, I think expressing oneself in ways that bring joy, happiness, compassion, and contentment must be in His agenda somewhere, lol... ;)
In retrospect, some of this doesn't actually seem so earth-shattering, but I guess it's just because it's coming to me at this time when I am really open to it that it seems so big, deep, and hard-hitting. Yes, that's what it is. I've read about these sorts of things for years, but only now, at this exact time in my journey/development, am I needing them, attracting them, and feel really hungry for them. Life, once again, is all about timing, lol...
Whew...well I'm good and tired after all of that sharing. Thanks for tuning in to the "Andrew Network - Canada's Premier Source for Wholistic Growth and Development". Hmmm, I like the sound of that..."
Love, Light, and Illumination,
Andrew ~*~
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